Before we discuss the answer to your question, you need to know that you do not hold the power to change someone else’s behavior. You can however set up some pretty clear boundaries that hopefully lead the liar to make different choices where you are concerned. Here are some factors you should look at first:
Last month I wrote my newsletter article on “lying”. In this week’s blog post, I want to answer the number one question many of you asked of me —“once you know someone is lying how do you confront them?” In this article we are going to deal with occasional liars and white liars. We are not going to deal with pathological or sociopathic liars. They need professional help because lying is practically an essential part of their personality.
Before we discuss the answer to your question, you need to know that you do not hold the power to change someone else’s behavior. You can however set up some pretty clear boundaries that hopefully lead the liar to make different choices where you are concerned. Here are some factors you should look at first:
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Whether you want to admit it or not, we are all liars. We lie to others, we lie to ourselves. Some of these lies we call “little white lies” and we rationalize them by saying that we don’t want to hurt someone by telling them the truth or we don’t want to upset anyone. But they are lies nonetheless. We lie to others and ourselves when we say something doesn’t matter when it really does. These are the lies we can all live with and still feel we are honest upstanding people. But then there are the lies that actually label us as “liars”. These are the lies most of us try to steer clear of.
Impact is defined as an “influence or effect”. Personal impact is literally the influence or effect you have on others. That impact can be positive or negative. Positive personal impact is crucial for success. It is the quality that enables you to influence others and your surroundings, achieve results and be an effective leader. The key is to recognize the impact you’re having on others then adapt your personal impact to get the results you want.
We hear a lot about how our Words make up only 7% of our message. We hear that it is not so much about what we say as how we say it. In acting, we tell people learning a script to set the intention before they say the words. By setting the intention, you know what the character was trying to convey when they spoke the words. Unfortunately in our day to day interactions we often speak without thinking or speak with the wrong intentions. “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” You can learn how to stand, gesture, use body language, how to dress appropriately, shake hands correctly, mix and mingle but at the end of the day your words will not cover for you. Our word choices carry power. We can look the part, but if we don’t sound the part, we are not going to get the job, the raise, the advancement etc. You see our words may only be 7% of the message, but they are a stronger 7% than you might imagine.
For years we have heard people described as being introverted or extroverted. Numerous books have been written on the subject of whether one falls into a more introverted personality style or a more extroverted personality style. I don’t know about you, but whenever I would take the test, I was introverted in some areas and extroverted in others. It wasn’t until recently that I realized there is another category all together called the “ambivert” which falls smack dab in the middle of the two.
What is it about a New Year that brings such hope for a brighter future? Why do we get a sense that the New Year is going to bring better health and prosperity and that we are leaving behind the misfortunes and disappointments of the previous year, just by the turning of a calendar page? Whatever the reason, we end the year reflecting on what worked and what didn’t and we look to the New Year to realize our hopes and dreams. So wouldn’t it be prudent for us to figure out what works so that we can accomplish more of our New Year’s resolutions than in the past? Your ability to establish positive and productive relationships in the business world is key to your success. The self-confidence you convey while speaking contributes greatly to how others view you. In addition, your ability to easily carry on a conversation or “small talk” tells others you are comfortable interacting in less formal settings. Confident interactions are tremendously valuable in establishing your personal and professional presence. The key to building rapport is to find a common topic that will put both you and the other person at ease. At a meeting, the rapport-building segment should be brief. At parties and receptions, it is ongoing.
Years ago when someone would mention the word “brand”, you would think of a product such as Coca Cola or Pepsi; Nike or Adidas; Cadillac or Ford. Today you are the product/commodity. You are the brand. Everything you say or do impacts your brand for the good or the not so good. Since brand is all about perception, it is crucial that your perception is a good one.
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