Your Handshake Matters

3/11/2015

I don’t know why I am continually amazed when I get a bad handshake. While there are countries in the world where a handshake is not appropriate, in the vast majority of the world it is the accepted form of greeting someone. In the business world, it is not only the accepted form of greeting but it is also used to close a deal or to say goodbye.

We’ve all heard that it takes only 7 seconds to make an image impact, but it may be far less than that according to a series of experiments done by Princeton psychologists, Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov. According to their findings, it only takes 1/10th of a second to form an impression about someone and those impressions are not significantly altered. If this is true, your handshake becomes even more important than ever.

People often throw the handshake away like it is no big deal, but, in fact, your handshake says a lot about you. The good news is that the other person’s handshake tells you a lot about them as well. A handshake by itself is not 100% full proof, but it begins that scoreboard in our mind’s eye where we begin tallying the positives and negatives about someone and deciding whether we like them and can trust them or not. I have found that those people who give me one of the many undesirable handshakes usually turn out to corroborate that first impression. So let’s take a look at some of those undesirable handshakes and then look at what constitutes a proper handshake. Let’s start with the undesirables:

The sweaty handshake—that cold, clammy handshake that usually comes from being nervous. There is really no reason for this handshake however, because if you know you are prone to this, just wipe your hand on your pant leg before extending your hand. Or keep some antiperspirant deodorant and apply it to your palm after you wash your hands. This will keep your hands nice and dry and will not let the other person know you are nervous.

The limp handshake—is that extremely light grip of the hand and shaking from the wrist. This sends out a message of a lack of confidence, weak character and a lack of commitment to the encounter. This is usually delivered by a woman and is an immediate indicator that her credibility is in question.

The finger holding shake—this is where the other person closes the grip on your fingers instead of at the palm. It sends the signal that you don’t care about shaking hands properly or that you are so eager that you lose focus on the right way to do it. It could also mean that the initiator lacks confidence or is trying to keep the receiver at a comfortable distance. This occurs quite often between a man and a woman.

The hand-holder handshake—this is the handshake where the person never lets go. It becomes extremely awkward and sends the message that they may not have clear boundaries.

The crushing handshake—this is the handshake that feels as though they are trying to crush every bone in your hand. It triggers the natural fight or flight response in us and does not make for a good first impression. It sends a message that one is overly aggressive. This is usually delivered by a man.

The dominate handshake—where one party extends their hand with their palm facing down. This forces the other person to extend their hand with their palm facing up. The person whose palm is on the top is in the dominant position. This is a handshake that says “It’s my way or the highway.” It conveys a closed situation and someone with control issues. One of the worst handshakes you can give if you are trying to open up negotiations. It is usually delivered by a man.

The submissive handshake—the opposite of the dominant handshake. It is where one party offers their hand with the palm facing up symbolically giving the other person the upper hand. While the person extending their palm up may feel as though they are creating an open exchange, and are sending the message that they will follow whatever is put before them, they are actually putting themselves in a weaker position.

The double-handed handshake—this is sometimes called the “politician’s handshake” because it attempts to convey honesty and caring but in fact is a handshake that can often come across as invading one’s space if you are not familiar with the person. The two-handed handshake should only be used with someone if a hug would be as appropriate in the same situation. In other words, you know them well. Also, the further up the arm you go, the more familiar you need to be with the person.

I am sure you have all received the above mentioned handshakes at one time or another. You may have even given one of these handshakes without knowing any better. Given the importance of that first impression it would be worth your while to learn the correct way to deliver a handshake that sends a positive message of being open, equal, honest and credible. So let’s break down the components of a handshake that builds rapport:

Make sure your posture is straight and you are exuding confidence
Make strong eye contact and smile throughout the handshake.
Both parties’ palms come straight out vertical and parallel to each other to avoid dominance or submission.
Do not close your hand until you can feel the web of both hands interlink (the web is the part between your thumb and index finger)
Apply the same pressure you receive. This means that on a firmness scale from 1-10, if your handshake registers at a 9 but the other person is only a 4 you need to back off to a 4 as well. If their grip is a 9 and yours is a 3 you need to increase your grip to match their 9.
Shake 2-3 times from the elbow
Release your grip maintaining eye contact throughout

NOTE—most people when they shake hands to say goodbye break eye contact before they break the handshake. You will set yourself apart from the crowd if you remember to stay engaged with them until the handshake is broken. Then and only then do you remove your gaze.

Always make sure your handshake is warm, friendly and appropriate to the situation you are in. Since it is so critical to a good first impression, make sure you practice giving and receiving a good handshake so that you will never be responsible for delivering one of the undesirable handshakes we spoke of earlier. That way you will never need to worry that your handshake is sending negative messages you have no intention of communicating.

Debbie Darling, ©2015 The Presentation Pros
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